Better Luck Next Time
by GrandiloquentAmphigory
Summary: Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're just trying to make it through high school. This becomes significantly more challenging when the principal turns evil, an anthropomorphic dog tries to kill you, and a blind girl starts insisting that you're an alien from another universe.


**Chapter 1: You're Abducted By the Welcoming Committee**

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and if you were to compose a list of places you'd like to be at the moment, a new, unfamiliar school would probably rank somewhere between 'Satan's asshole' and 'a locked room with my brother and a video on social justice'. However, since any existing higher power has proved time and time again that it doesn't give a single shit about you or your happiness, You're currently standing outside a large, yellow building and trying to spot a familiar face amongst the students heading towards the front doors. You've started to worry that she's already inside when somebody taps you on the shoulder. Turning around, you see a tall boy with messy black hair, square glasses, and one of the biggest smiles you've ever seen plastered across his face.

"Hi, I don't think I've ever seen you here before. I'm John Egbert!" He says, holding out his hand.

"Karkat Va- shit!" You shake his hand and recieve a small electric shock. Bucktoothed grin wider than ever, he shows you the buzzer on his palm.

"What in the almighty fuck was that for, you imbecilic douchestain?" You shriek after him as he sprints off, giggling like a maniac.

"Hello, Karkat," says a voice behind you.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, finally Kanaya Maryam graces us with her presence! Let me guess, couldn't find the right outfit? Slept through the alarm? Why don't you sit the fuck down and tell me all about whatever super important reason you had for leaving me to face this nightmare alone?"

"And exactly how long have you been waiting?" Your cousin asks, unimpressed by your outburst.

You look at your watch. "Umm... six minutes."

"Has the first class started yet?"

"No," you mumble.

"In that case, I would say I was right on time, wouldn't you?" She turns to the door. "Let's go inside, I can introduce you to some friends of mine."

* * *

Kanaya's 'friends', as it turns out, are most likely at least a little bit insane. The first one, Vriska, is wearing an eye patch. You immediately ask her about it, because you are the king of tact.

"Lost my eye in a fight with my best friend. She came out worse, though," Vriska laughs, and you make a mental note never to get on her bad side. The other one is named Eridan and is dressed all in purple, complete with a streak through the front of his brown hair. You're surprised Kanaya can stand sitting next to him, and sure enough, every time you look over, she's glaring at his blue-and-violet striped pants as though they've personally offended her.

You don't have much experience with friendship. In fact, the closest thing you've ever had to a friend is Kanaya, and until now, you've only really talked to her at family gatherings and on Pesterchum. Despite your limited knowledge on the topic, however, you're fairly sure friendships are supposed to be less ... hostile. Eridan and Vriska bicker constantly, with Kanaya interjecting if it looks like they're about to start throwing punches. Eventually, the argument (conversation?) lulls enough for Kanaya to inquire as to why you were yelling outside.

"You know some asshole named John Egbert?" You ask. Kanaya nods, Eridan groans loudly, and Vriska laughs.

"Trust me, eeeeeeeeverybody knows him," she says. "School ended two weeks early last year because he flooded the building. No idea why they let him back, but I guess some people just have all the luck."

"Excuse me, but might you be Karkat Vantas?" Standing behind you is a blonde girl wearing pointed white glasses next to a boy in a red shirt and aviator shades. "My name is Aranea, and this is Dave. We would just like to welcome you to B.V. Salamancer Memorial High School. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask either of us. Would you like a tour?"

"Not a fucking chance," you say. Aranea looks genuinely dissapointed, like she'd really been looking forward to showing some stranger around her crapsack school. Dave, however, remains as expressionless as before.

"Sorry, Shouty, but I'm getting a free pass out of first period for this." He throws his arm around your shoulders and propels you down the hallway after Aranea.

Despite his skinniness, he's significantly stronger than you, and has no trouble holding on to you despite your repeated attempts to squirm out of his grip. He doesn't seem to mind your yelling, and Aranea simply waits until you pause for breath before continuing her monologue. When you elbow Dave in the stomach, he reaches over and starts stroking your arm.

"Shoosh," he murmurs. "Calm your tits, Kittykat."

"I don't know what the fuck you are doing, but if you continue I swear I will end you." He responds by gently patting you on the cheek.

If you weren't so busy trying to escape, you'd probably be impressed by Aranea's vast array of knowledge concerning the school. Her tour includes information on every detail of the school's history, from it's opening in 1963 to notable locals that graduated from B.V.S. to the death of a student ten years ago after a drug overdose in the mens' washroom you're currently standing outside.

For the school itself, however, 'impressive' is hardly the most accurate description. The purple paint is peeling off the walls and the lockers have been scuffed and graffitied to the point where you can hardly tell the original colour.

About twenty minutes into your abduction by the welcoming committee, you manage to take advantage of Dave's lull in attention and duck under his arm, racing down the hallway before he has a chance to react. You tear around the corner, only to crash into someone walking in the opposite direction, knocking both you and her over.

"Who did that?" She asks, sounding scared and a little bit angry. It's only when you notice the cane lying next to your foot that it dawns on you that you just ran into a blind girl.

"I am so fucking sorry, that was such a douche thing to do," You apologize as you pick up the cane. You have to take her hand from the floor where she's scrabbling for her belongings and press it into her palm. You turn your back to reach for a pair of red-tinted glasses when, with a loud 'thwack', she uses the cane to hit you over the head.

"What were you thinking, running into me like that?" She cackles. "You have no respect for those with disabilities. Perhaps I should gauge your eyes out and see how you like it." She points the cane at your eye threateningly. The end is a lot more pointed than you would have thought was necessary. "What do you think, Dave?"

"I think that sounds kind of unsanitary," He says from behind you where he'd been impassively watching the entire spectacle. "Wait, where are my manners? Terezi, meet Karkat. He's the new kid so be sure to stuff him in a few lockers, 'kay? Karkat, meet Terezi. She won't gauge your eyes out. Probably."

Terezi grins. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Karkat."

* * *

You're almost relieved when you finally make it to class. The teacher, Mr. Droog, just glares and gestures to the only empty seat in the room, between a girl reading a book under her desk and a tall, skinny boy who's staring at the ceiling, clearly stoned off his ass. The only person you recognize is Eridan sitting a few seats away, who gives you a small wave as you sit down.

Soon bored, you pull out your phone and find a message on Pesterchum. You don't recognize the handle, but going by the expectant look from Eridan you have a pretty good guess as to who it is.

 **caligulasAquarium [CA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

 **CA: what do you think of the girl in the green jacket**

 **CG: HOW IN THE ALMIGHTY FUCK DID YOU GET MY HANDLE?**

 **CA: i asked kan**

 **CA: why**

 **CG: BECAUSE I NEVER GAVE HER PERMISSION TO JUST GIVE AWAY MY CONTACT INFORMATION TO ANY SHITSPONGE WHO ASKS LIKE AN ICE CREAM TRUCK DRIVER HANDING OUT CRAP SUNDAES IS WHY.**

 **CA: holy fuck you even yell in text**

 **CA: anyway i asked what you think a the chick sittin in front of you**

 **CG: HOW SHOULD I KNOW, I HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED TO HER.**

 **CA: dont do that shes kind a wierd**

 **CA: but shes hot isnt she**

You groan and close Pesterchum, only to have Eridan give you an indignant glare from across the room. You flip him the double bird in response. This earns you a few looks from your new classmates, but you can't bring yourself to care. You're not entirely sure, but you may have just made a new friend. Maybe high school will turn out to be easier than everyone says it is.

* * *

 **gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]**

 **GC: H3Y J4D3**

 **GC: GU3SS WHO 1 S4W?**

 **GG: who!**

 **GC: NOBODY**

 **GG: uugghhh**

 **GG: i dont have time for this terezi!**

 **GG: do you have something important to say or not!?**

 **GC: 1 R4N 1NTO 4N OLD MUTU4L H4T3FR13ND OF OURS**

 **GG: karkats here!?**

 **GC: DON'T G3T TOO 3XC1T3D, 1 DON'T TH1NK H3 R3COGN1Z3D M3 :[**

 **GG: maybe things will be different now that weve found everyone...**

 **GC: YOU COULD B3 R1GHT, 1 GU3SS**

 **gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]**

* * *

 _Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I'm still very new to this so any feedback is more than welcome._


End file.
